I have only 6 days left until I leave Alaska. That’s only 150 hours until I start my Peace Corps adventure and a completely new chapter of my life. I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now, as my emotions are entirely all mixed together into one giant mess that sits in a pit in my stomach. I’m excited. I’m more than excited: this is an experience of a lifetime. But I’m scared too. And confused. And overwhelmed. I’m scared of leaving my friends and family behind and losing touch with them, although I know that they will always be supportive and in contact. I think what I’m more scared of is what’s in front of me, which at this point and time seems like a huge empty, black space. I have no idea what I’m going into and what my next 27 months will look like. It is the vast unknown and that scares me more than the idea of me leaving things and people behind. Everyone keeps telling me how much I’ll change and yeah, that sounds great, but I don’t really want to hear that this unknown experience is going to change me in an unknown way. I want some definition people! Not uncertainty! Instead of telling me the benefits of this uncertain future, maybe you could be more helpful and start teaching me Guarani so that I can communicate with my uncertain host family. Or better yet, maybe you could help by start packing for me.
I appreciate all of the support that I’ve received from family and friends and I love each and every one of you for it. I definitely need it going into an experience like this and everyone has filled my last few months in the US with memories. For now, don’t worry about me. Once I get there, my emotions will sort themselves out and I can’t wait to share all of my experiences and memories with everyone. Wish me luck!